Modern Living · New Writer · Soccer Mom · Stay at Home Wife

Awakening

I spent the last year working and it was the best year of my life……..

Huh!?  Who typed that?  Did I actually just say I liked working this last year?  I’m pretty sure that is what I was implying.  To you the unfamiliar reader of my life, that may not seem like such an odd statement.  However for myself, the poor unlucky soul who choose my body this go round, that is an odd statement.  I had the inclination for a long time that I was not a working women.   “I cannot do a 9-5! I am not made for that!”   This statement has been my mindset for years. I don’t need to work a traditional job. I just need to write.  I always imagined myself writing at some desk with my favorite pen, a bottle of white wine and some zen music. That fantasy has now upgraded to champagne but that’s minor details.

I love writing, and I feel I have an extraordinary ability to imagine whole stories, and characters in my head instantaneously. I would always write  growing up. I just threw away everything I did just as much as I wrote it. I had no self-esteem to pursue my passion. In my head I was not educated enough to write proper. There were a few times I tried to take action towards my goals.  I went to a few writing workshops. I picked up some good tips. As well as a few signed books from other local authors. I needed to surround myself around other writers and see if that was where I belonged. Looking back I feel I was too immature to be as creative as I think my heart knew I was capable of.  It never panned out to any serious writing. I did learn I will never stop writing.

This is not my first attempt at blogging.  I made a serious attempt last year. The site I chose just seemed to never be available for me.  It would always say things about some errors.  I could reach it sometimes and I would post when I could. But It all ended when I started to work.  Leading into one of the best times of my life.

The journey started last year, at 33 years old I needed a seasonal job to get through the holidays. I was doing some freelance photography work but that was slowing way down.  I wanted extra cash, my children’s birthdays follow Christmas. So the extra cash would be nice I was figuring. I filled out an application to the local McDonalds online and truthfully didn’t think I would hear anything of it.  Within a day I heard back and was asked to come in for an interview.   I went in and I swear like 20 minutes later I was walking out with the job.   It was real easy but I was still nervous.  How am I going to handle working?  I had not really worked much in ten years. In exception for some very brief stints at a couple different pizza joints.  Those of which never lasted more than three months.  My husband was in the military and upon his discharge he has been able to handle our bills pretty well.  The jobs were more for me to get out of the house.  The last job had been at least five years prior.  So I will admit I was scared.  Could I even handle working around people who would be a generation younger?

When I actually started that was not an issue.  Most of my coworkers ages, ranged near mine some a few older. At least for my morning shift.  The thing is I am blessed with this face that looks extremely young.  I would hear so many times “oh my god your 33!  I thought you were only 20!”  I loved to follow that up with “I have four kids as well”.  The look on everyone’s faces, just priceless.

Back to working….. I picked up my job pretty quickly and the only thing that was hard to get used to was waking up at 4:30 in the morning. Eventually I did and it turns out I actually love the early mornings.  I got used to the customers and their needs. I would stir their coffee and they appreciated that.   It was an instant group of new people I got to smile with every day. They made me happy and feel appreciated.  I fucking felt complete from working at McDonalds. I tried not to complain too much on anything they asked me to do. I killed the dishes and slaughtered them fast.  I just have this problem with my mouth and blurting things out. I often heard SHHHH.

My mouth is the reason I lost my job sadly.  I had a  bad habit of leaving the window open.  One gloomy morning I had done such when I was a few feet from the open window and my mouth went into a rant.  I said the customer was being a bitch. She heard me and well I know I should not have said that. I do take 100% accountability for it.  I was slightly irritated and things where brewing in the air around me beyond my control.   It was just a bad day.  She went postal and probably was on the phone with the main office before she was out of the parking lot, because not to long after our phone was ringing off the hook and I was being told I had to go home.

I cried all the way because I knew I had messed up real bad.  I had not felt that feeling in a long time.  It was sad. I thought this must be what it feels like to be handed divorce papers when you don’t want them. I just wanted to beg to come back!  I was nervous to go and collect my paycheck that week.   Everyone was happy to see me though and said they missed me and wished I was there still.  So it helped a tiny bit. Also hurt my heart because I wanted to still work.

Not working has given me a chance to sit back and reflect on the last year.  It went by so fast.   I grew as a person from the job. I learned so much.  I met a lot of people and made some really cool friendships.  I got my daughter her first job.  Things are better because of it.  I guess it was time to move on. Time to get serious about my real goals.  Which are to write and get into college.  I have two more parts of my GED test to take and I can do it.  I know I can pass one section. The math however I have not studied for.  I seriously did not have time before.  I was up by 430 in the morning and falling asleep on my couch by 7 every night.  In-between I am going to start my blog again and hopefully complete some real pieces of writing.

Here is a link to my Old Blog. If you want to look at it scroll to the bottom to find the first post.  I am proud of some of those post.

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