life · Religion

Take me to Church, well not really.


I have huge gaps in between my post, but I won’t stop. Over time the gaps will get smaller.  A few days ago, I almost finished another brilliant post.  I had just left it to stew for a few hours. Unfortunates, I was exhausted and fell asleep.  For some reason my computer decided to restart during the night and ate my post. How rude!  How frustrating.  I’m used to using a laptop that will recover my lost documents.  I was forced to switch to the main computer this month and even though it is the same word program it did not keep my post.  I told it to recover the document it had found, but it was not mine.

I’m over that frustration! Today I was inspired, I feel this is deeper than what I lost.  I wrote about religion and I just wanted to leave a forewarning before anyone reads any further….

I am not, in any way trying to disrespect anyone’s religious beliefs.   The following is just how I feel about it.   I am curious of all religions, and try to learn what I can about them.  However, I have unfortunately only been exposed to American religion. Ones that seem to be odd. Very judgmental, controlling and just utterly ridiculous to my brain. In my life and my own experiences this is the opinion I have come to form.   I hope so dearly no one finds offense in my words.

It is Sunday and the lord has me thinking about some things.  I am not a regular church goer. I often grapple with feelings of guilt for not bringing the kids regularly.  It’s funny I I feel bad, because my personal beliefs do not match with any church I have ever been too. This is why I dont go.  On a scale of 100 I agree with about 40% of what I hear.  The other 60% just doesn’t jive with me.  Even though I have always had this tiny, secret yearning within me, every time I attend a church to want to be the preacher. I just never found a church that works.  When I hear certain things, things my heart does not believe, it turns me off from that specific establishment, even denomination. For example, I don’t agree with things like this.

Tithing.  I remember sitting in the church when my kids were toddlers listening to a preacher go on and on, about tithing. How if I do not give 10% of my income to the church than god will not bless me.  My stomach was screaming with my mind. More cause it was hungry as hell, not the same reason as my mind, but it was making noises. My husband was in the military and we had four kids we tried very hard to provide sometimes we did not and still do not eat. Kids first! I would sit and think,  for real I cannot even keep up with my four kids financially and you just said I have to give you money or I’m just fucked with god’s blessings? What!?

Me in church when the preacher mentions Tithing.


The apocalypse or rapture whatever they call it, this one goes back to childhood.  I remember being like  12 maybe 13  when I was stuck at some sleep in at a Baptist church one loong dark gloomy night.  They made us watch some movie about the rapture. It was remade later with Kirk Cameron.  My little ass knew back then that I did not believe that would ever happen. Frankly I was pissed I was stuck there.   Here’s the thing about that. There are so many people in this world we do not have contact with.  For example, the lost tribes in the amazon.  Those people know nothing of Christian beliefs, so your saying when god comes, excuse me Jesus comes back,  all those people are going to hell because they are not saved?  A big WTF in my book!  Doesn’t feel right. I like to live by the words of Judge Judy,  “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s probably not the truth” .

Here is a link to the Lost Tribes of the Amazon I was referring too.  It is actually a pretty cool documentary. 

Gay people, transgender, bi, tri, pan-sexual, non-sexual, don’t get me started with this one.  They are going to hell too- because of who they love. Yeah That makes a whole lot of sense.  From animals to history, men have loved men, and women have loved women.  So why are we sticking our noses in people’s bedrooms anyhow?  I don’t think about what other people in my life are doing behind closed doors at all, or even on a daily bases interacting with them. I’m not sure why anyone else does this.

Some of the things I believe in are simply just this… I believe that Jesus did not die on the cross.  I believe he survived but that is a whole nother story and post.  His message was one of kindness and of the afterlife.  A message I believe has been distorted by man. The afterlife of which I believe in, encompasses everything from reincarnation, spirit guides, psychics, miracles, ghost all the way to Karma.  I believe men has used religion to scare and control people for a long time.   I do not judge anyone for their spiritual belief. Nor do I live my life scared by it. I personally feel religion should be private and sacred. To each its own.  None of anyone’s business to persecute or have any opinion on.  Where you go to worship, who you worship, that is your personal business.

My beliefs are how I sleep at night. How I stay calm in life knowing the ones I really love will be ok if I ask for it, and If it is meant to be otherwise I know I will see them again. I also believe that there is no bottomless fiery pit of hell anywhere. I believe this world we live in, is hell. Where else do all the despicable things humans do to each other, nature and animals play out?  Where else could one suffer more than some of the pain that we feel here? How we navigate through it, and why Is for our own development. Only our true inner spiritual self knows the answer on why we chose to incarnate.

This my friend is the gist of my beliefs.  Hope everyone has a great week. I am moving to a new state soon, so I will be busy like a bee throwing away the years of junk I have collected and really do not need to leave Florida with.

As some would say…Namaste.


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